I thought if I wrote a page a day, I would have at least 10 new blog posts in a year. Like many of my other assumptions, this turned out to be incorrect. In a year, I wrote only two miserable posts - a quarter of what I had released in the previous four months. If I had a report card, it would say: "Follows the instructions, but performs them with difficulty."
Despite the unimpressive number of publications, I have sketched about a hundred more drafts. Yes, a hundred raw texts that I considered unsuitable for the eyes of readers. What did I write the other 265 days, you ask?
During this time, I have written dozens of variants of cover letters for vacancies for which I was not hired, and one letter of thanks in response to a job offer. I wrote a greeting for my father and a bridesmaid's speech (I copied it five times). I wrote down jokes that I wouldn't tell anyone, and letters that I'd never send. I started writing a book that most people wouldn't read, as well as a script for a movie, for which I would receive devastating reviews. A few poems that would make you worry about my well-being. When I didn't know what to write at all, I copied the words from my favorite songs over and over and over again.
Most of these recordings are complete nonsense. Hardly any of these 365 pages are of value. I'd rather burn them than read them again. Most likely, I will.
Still, I'm glad I tried. Recently, flipping through the Twitter feed, I came across the hashtag #WhyIWrite (#why I write). Reading these posts, I remembered why I wanted to start writing every day at all and why I will continue to do it further.
I write because I have something to say, and people don't always have the patience to listen. The paper will endure, even if you write all day.
I write because I am a perfectionist and only my notes give me the feeling that I am in control of everything. In life, you can't go back and replace your words with smarter or funnier ones. You can't erase everything stupid and tactless, said in a hurry.
But most importantly, I write because such recordings are the only way available to me to comprehend everything that is happening in the world right now. I will never find the perfect words to describe my thoughts and feelings, so let it be. I will try again and again. I may not know much about anything, but I have perseverance.