A Twitter user under the nickname @simmery_ wrote a thread about how she stopped studying at an online English language school. The girl admitted that she was generally satisfied with the establishment. However, she had to travel, because of which she was forced to cancel the lesson. In response, they said that this is allowed only once a month. And although it actually happened in another month, but because of the teacher's vacation, the reporting period was shifted. Accordingly, failure to attend the lesson was fraught with penalty points: after three, the student is expelled.
The case ended with the fact that the heroine was written by the founder of the school and demanded comments on the current situation. At this point, the student stopped studying.
The thread caused a large-scale discussion on Twitter. People, among other things, recalled their negative experiences. And for many it was quite long. The reason for such patience often lies in the fact that the teacher—student relationship is hierarchical. Students are told, for example, that teachers should be respected by default. Although one is different from the other, and not all of them deserve it. As a result, a person often continues to study, even if he feels uncomfortable: the teacher knows better. But some things are clearly not worth enduring. For example, these.
It can be expressed in different ways. It can be shouting and insults that teachers sometimes give out. Although this is unacceptable in any universe or hierarchy. But it is also passive aggression in the style of "What a good fellow! There's not a single mistake in this assignment, it doesn't look like you!" or "Didn't do your homework? What were you so busy that you didn't find the time?". These are comments about appearance or actions.
When a representative of the school ultimatum demands to explain or justify himself, this is also a violation of personal boundaries. If a student systematically skips classes or fails to complete assignments, the teacher may refuse to work with him. And the student can, in turn, voluntarily tell what prevented him from following the curriculum. But forcing a person to report as if he is obliged to do it is not normal.
Of course, everyone's personal boundaries are different. Someone has a low tolerance for trying to break them, so they immediately wonder if everything is in order. Other people don't immediately realize that something is wrong. But they feel discomfort at the same time, they just take the blame for it on themselves: "The teacher was just joking, but I didn't understand", "I'm just not very smart and I'm not learning well", "So what if I was in the emergency room with a broken leg? My hands were free, I could have done my homework."
Discomfort in communication in any case is not the norm. Guilt, shame, lack of confidence in their abilities prevent them from achieving progress and make them feel anxious. This is a reason to change the teacher.
It is worth mentioning that this rule applies only to individual classes. Any group activity follows a certain general plan, and it would be inappropriate to demand a personalized approach here. But if you are one-on-one with a teacher, it is strange to ignore your request, because it is not known whether the lessons will bring you closer to the goal or just pull out strength and money.
For example, when learning a foreign language, the tasks may be different. Someone has moved and wants to quickly overcome the language barrier, someone wants to pass an international exam, someone wants to move from level to level. Accordingly, what you train develops. And if a person who needs to speak a language practically does not communicate in it during classes, but only does tests, it looks doubtful.
Naturally, it happens that a student has gaps in knowledge that need to be closed before moving on his request. Let's say it's early to train to take the exam if there are problems with basic grammar. But in this case, a good teacher, based on the results of the diagnosis, can explain what and why they will do with the student. If it seems that the teacher is just working according to an average methodology, it may be worth looking for someone else.
It is clear that discipline is needed for progress. But both the student and the teacher are not robots. Unforeseen circumstances happen, and flexibility is important here. The position "The only valid reason not to attend class is death" is not the healthiest. Everyone should be able to skip a lesson sometimes or reschedule it without any particular problems. For example, if a student has gone on vacation, it is obvious that he will not be able to study for some time. Although in general it is normal to warn about absence for a certain period, otherwise the lesson will still have to be paid. After all, the teacher also plans his time.
However, if the teacher is completely indifferent to the discipline of the ward, this can also be a wake-up call. Regularity is important in any training. One may suspect that the teacher is not very interested in progress, only in money.
Some are really motivated to discipline by penalty points, insults and other negative ways of influencing. But this is an unhealthy motivation that will lead to anxiety and guilt. You can practice from under the stick, but will there be a result? (Spoiler: in the long run — no .) Usually, if a student understands what he is studying and for what, he does not have problems with self-control.
There is one more point that may not catch the eye as a whip motivation, but it has to do with it. We are talking about cases when a community of school students or a particular teacher is presented as a select group, where not everyone gets, but from where it is easy to fly out for mistakes. The flair of elitism, inaccessibility makes you try to do better in order to remain the "chosen one", and to be nervous about the fact that you can stop being them. But a person needs progress in comparison with yesterday's self, and not competition with the "unworthy" at all.
There really is a hierarchy in the student—teacher pair, which is based on the fact that one knows the subject better than the other. And that's it, the superiority ends there. Therefore, the relationship should not be built on the thesis "The teacher is always right," especially if it is not about the subject, but about some other aspects of communication. In controversial moments, both the student and the teacher should discuss the problem and agree. If communication happens differently, it is not very healthy.
However, on the contrary, it also works. The formula "The customer is always right" does not apply here. Yes, a person can pay money. But the teacher can't learn for him. So constructive dialogue helps to cope with all difficulties.
Perhaps many people have a story about a schoolteacher who could talk about his personal life or other abstract things for half a lesson and only then return to the subject. Students are usually only pleased with this, as there is an opportunity to relax. But when you pay for classes in which you are interested, you want to get the most out of them. So, if the lesson time is wasted, this is an excuse to change the teacher.
Often Internet scandals related to training begin with the post "I liked everything, but there was one point that could be improved. I told the teacher about it, and they started hounding me and throwing mud at me." To call such a reaction inadequate is to say nothing. No one is perfect, and criticism (if these are rational remarks, and not a stream of insults) is a good reason to discuss the situation, to understand it. Perhaps the theses voiced by the student will help strengthen the curriculum. And if not, you can always talk to a person and explain to him why his suggestions will not get better. But if a teacher or a school immediately breaks into hysterics and declares a witch hunt, this is an excuse to say goodbye to them, because it will only get worse. And it's worth thinking about, even if another student got into an unpleasant situation.
With this point, everything is clear without further ado. Harassment, hints, sexual harassment are obvious reasons to stop training instantly.
