"Let me know" is a column for our readers' stories. We launch a survey every week and are waiting for your comments. We have already published an article on how to get over a breakup. This time we decided to invite you to a discussion and ask you to share your experience. Here are the tips we received.
I was a flight attendant and for about 3 years I was preparing to become a pilot. But one day I realized that I wanted to work in the cockpit more for prestige. It hit me hard and destroyed even a hint of what I want to do in the future. Then I went on a binge for a year. He drank almost daily to rid himself of obsessive negative thoughts and fall asleep.
That's how I ruined the relationship. The girl left, tired of waiting for the situation to get better. Right on the eve of the proposal I was going to make to her.
The first month was hard, but I managed to stop drinking. It was impossible to kill yourself, choking on alcohol, waking up with a feeling of helplessness. I didn't want to feel sorry for myself.
On the contrary, I needed to realize that I was wrong. Step over your pride. Well, the most difficult thing is to accept and realize that nothing connects us anymore. To give up empty hopes of resuming a relationship.
Hobbies helped me get through this — I strongly advise you to get them. If you have financial problems, you can pay attention to inexpensive ones. In them you will find peace in difficult moments. Everyone can find themselves in a difficult situation, and not everyone will be able to maintain an emotional resource.
For example, I found salvation in physical exercises, chanting, communicating with English—speaking acquaintances from other countries - studying different cultures is a good way to clear my head.
Only time will help you forget about a person. But you can speed up its course by deleting the contacts of the person you broke up with and unsubscribing from all his social networks — so that your hands don't itch to return everything.
In addition, you can immediately make new acquaintances. Try to plan your free time so that you don't have the opportunity to think about the reasons for the breakup. For example, get into work, watch a TV series, learn a new hobby, or devote more time to household chores and your loved ones.
I wrote a letter to my ex on the advice of a psychologist. The goal was to get to the point of feeling love for the recipient. At first it seemed strange to me: on the contrary, I wanted to get rid of hopes for a relationship. But when I did, I realized that if you really love a person, you have the resource to let them go. In addition, in the letter you can finally express all your emotions, vent your resentment.
It is necessary to allocate an hour or two so that no one bothers or distracts. In the letter, it is worth telling about the emotions that arose in some situations, the reasons for your feelings and inner experiences. You can call the "addressee" in every possible way, without censoring your speech. You can be angry at him. When a feeling of lightness appears inside, when it seems that you really let go of the person, then the effect has been achieved and you can stop.
The psychologist also offered me a scheme according to which I can write:
It is very important: no one needs to send and show the letter. It's worth writing it just for yourself as a therapeutic exercise.
I was married for 4 years. They divorced on my initiative, because I was tired of enduring his infidelities and endless job searches.
After the breakup, I walked a lot, talked with friends, and restored old ties. I also rented an apartment and started living alone for the first time. It's such a thrill! Finally, my house is in order, I don't have to cook bowls of food, and I can read books until morning.
Love for me is like addiction to alcohol, cigarettes, drugs. Sometimes you can even physically feel the pain of parting. That's why I came up with this plan:
Working with a psychologist helped me. I changed my focus from obsessive thoughts about returning and resentment to thoughts about myself and how I can take care of myself. I took up sports, began to communicate more with friends, bought a car. And there are more worries and cool impressions!
