According to some studies J. Bivona, J. Critelli The Nature of Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Analysis of Prevalence, Frequency, and Contents / The Journal of Sex Research , up to 62% of women fantasized about rape. It should be borne in mind that the sample is not very representative — only 355 respondents participated in this particular survey. At the same time, most of them indulged in such fantasies infrequently, on average about four times a year. But there is no denying the obvious: women scroll through similar scenarios in their heads. And not only in a negative way: only in 9% of cases thoughts caused disgust. 45% of the fantasies were purely erotic, 46% are something at the junction of eroticism and disgust.
Rape fantasies can have several reasons.
Imagine a woman who was brought up in a strict family. She was told from a young age that sex is a sin and dirt. And it is difficult for her to completely get rid of childish attitudes. Even fantasizing about intimacy, she feels guilty and ashamed. The violent scenario becomes the way out. After all, a woman does all these "shameful" things in her fantasy under duress, she is not like that. What helps her to take off D. S. Strassberg, L. K. Lockerd. Force in women’s sexual fantasies / Archives of Sexual Behavior part of the responsibility for what is happening.
In romance novels about past times, there is often a plot in which a dangerous man is so carried away by the main character that he simply cannot resist. And she is modest and decent, sex before marriage can destroy her reputation. Therefore, he has to be overly persistent in order for the book to happen what it was actually written for.
In fantasies, a woman also sometimes wants to feel so desirable that a person literally cannot stop. And sometimes the script may include someone with whom, in her sober mind, she will never contact. Or, for example, a girl does not plan to cheat on her current partner even in her head. Forcing sex in this case allows you to "make friends" fantasy and reality.
Female orgasm is a complicated thing, not every sex ends with it. And during coitus, the partner can worry a lot — for her pleasure, for the partner's feelings, for her appearance, and so on.
The fantasy of coercion allows her to literally relax and immerse herself in the process. A mental lover does exactly what she needs and how she likes — because everything happens in her head.
Studies show that women who enjoy sex and do not feel anxious or guilty about it, often M. Bivona, J. W. Critelli, M. J. Clark. Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Empirical Evaluation of the Major Explanations / Archives of Sexual Behavior fantasize about rape — among other scenarios. Simply because it is an opportunity to safely scroll through anything in your head.
This is an infrequent phenomenon, but some people with similar experiences periodically fantasize about violence. However, not because they like forced sex. It's more of a way to replay the scenario again and make sure that this time it's them who are in control of the situation. That is, this is how they try to take control of their entire past experience, where they were completely deprived of it.
People who try to normalize sexualized violence often use fantasies as an argument that nothing terrible is happening. After all, women think about it, and so, the dream becomes a reality.
Of course, this is not the case at all. To begin with, fantasies about forced sex arise for completely different reasons. For example, they are based on an old injury. And those who have not had such an experience, just try on different stories. That doesn't mean they all want to try.
But let's assume that this is an exclusively erotic fantasy. It is distinguished from real violence by several important criteria.
Fantasy is absolutely safe for a woman. You can stop everything at any time or redirect it to another channel. And even if you come to something that will be unpleasant in your thoughts, it's easy to roll everything back without much loss. In the scenario, control seems to be in the hands of a rapist. But it is obvious that events are controlled by a woman. So she's not scared.
Real rape is the most unsafe, traumatic situation, which is often accompanied by G. Womersley, A. Maw. Contextualising the experiences of South African women in the immediate aftermath of rape / Psychology in Society depression, sexual disorders, PTSD and other severe consequences.
It may not be obvious, but a woman imagines sex with someone, even forced, because she agrees to this very sex . It's just that mental intercourse takes place in this form (safe and controlled, as we remember). Let's take the case mentioned earlier, when a man allegedly can't stop. In fact, it can, because everything is in a woman's head. It is she who does not slow down the process of fantasy.
Naturally, real violence happens without consent, that's why it's violence.
Behind the firewood, we sometimes don't see the forest a little. But in rape fantasies, the aggressor is usually very victim-oriented. He does what she likes and how she wants. And — most importantly — does not do what is unpleasant to her. In the process, the heroine of the fantasy will surely get carried away and even enjoy it. Erotic dreams are about pleasure, not about fear, shame, helplessness and other emotions experienced by victims of rape.
This point logically continues the previous one, namely: in fantasies, the victim is usually still the subject. The mental rapist attacks because he wants her specifically. For a real criminal, the victim is an object. And aggression itself is not so much about sex, and sometimes not even about it at all, but about control, power, impunity.
If violence is a traumatic situation, then a logical question arises: is it normal if a woman fantasizes about it?
Fantasies of violence, like any other thoughts, can spontaneously arise in any person, regardless of gender and age. They are a by-product of the work of our brain, which constantly analyzes all incoming information and builds associative connections between these data. Fantasies are normal and do not mean that something is wrong with you.
If such thoughts cause negative, contradictory and overly intense feelings, then it is worth paying attention to this and, perhaps, contacting a psychologist, since this may indirectly indicate an unfavorable experience in the past or other health disorders. In cognitive behavioral therapy, there are many different techniques to work with similar problems.
If thoughts are pleasant, then there is nothing wrong or shameful in thinking them. The position of modern sexology is that you can fantasize about anything, as long as dreams do not turn into actions that threaten our well-being or the well-being of other people.
