Of course, sex is an important part of our life. It strengthens health, improves sleep, improves mood. But if you approach intimacy too seriously — set yourself standards, work out a scenario from which you cannot deviate, then the element of the game leaves the bed. You become too demanding of yourself and your partner. And as a result, instead of pleasure and benefit, you get dissatisfaction and frustration.
No need to be a perfectionist in sex. Turn off your head and perceive it as a game, the only purpose of which is to bring and have fun.
Moreover, the consent must be Sexual Consent / Planned Parenthood active. This means that an adult is conscious, not under the influence of alcohol or drugs, and voluntarily expresses in words that he wants sex. Consent is given for each type of interaction, not all at once, and it can be withdrawn at any time. If the partner has changed his mind, you need to stop right away.
Do you take an included smartphone into the bedroom? The probability that you will spend an hour before going to bed with a device in your hands is twice as high as the chances of romantic communication with a partner lying next to you. These are the results of the study No More Pillow Talk: Phones In Bed Taking A Toll On Relationships, Sex Lives / Study Fines , conducted among Americans.
Conclusion? If there is no way (or willpower) to turn off the mobile until the morning, then at least put it in the "Do not disturb" mode.
How good the sex will be depends largely on the foreplay. Moreover, foreplay is almost as important for men as it is for women. According to research S. A. Miller, E. S. Byers. Actual and Desired Duration of Foreplay and Intercourse: Discordance and Misperceptions within Heterosexual Couples / The Journal of Sex Research , lovers of both sexes need 18-19 minutes to warm up qualitatively. But due to lack of time or impatience of one of the partners, the foreplay lasts on average 11-13 minutes.
Many people are confused by conversations on intimate topics. It is difficult to share desires even with a person with whom you have been sleeping in the same bed for years. And yet the only way to get the sex you dream of is to talk about it.
At least from time to time. Eye contact enhances M. Jarick, R. Bencic. Eye Contact Is a Two‑Way Street: Arousal Is Elicited by the Sending and Receiving of Eye Gaze Information / Frontiers in Psychology arousal and helps to establish a deeper emotional connection. If it's still awkward for you to look into each other's eyes for a long time during sex, exchange short glances, holding them for at least a couple of seconds The Eye Have It: the key to powerful intimacy / JoJo . And over time, develop this ability to feel real intimacy.
In stable couples, sex loses its sharpness quite quickly. A year later C. A. Graham, C. H. Mercer, K. G Jones, A. M Johnson, K. Wellings, K. R Mitchell. What factors are associated with reporting lacking interest in sex and how do these vary by gender? Findings from the third British national survey of sexual attitudes and lifestyles / BMJ calm family relationships, interest in intimate life decreases in 34% of women and 15% of men. Partners who are able to voice their needs get more pleasure in bed. And not only are they not afraid, but they also strive to experiment. To banish the routine from the bedroom, try:
If any pose causes you pain, immediately report it. Sex is about mutual pleasure, not about silent self—sacrifice. The same applies to unacceptable erotic practices for you. A partner or a partner fantasizes about BDSM or threesome sex, but is it taboo for you? Listen carefully, do not condemn, but do not agree, breaking yourself. Just explain why not.
Until now, adults with an active sex life stumble on seemingly simple questions:
Ideally, everyone should have learned this from their parents in the format of a confidential conversation and in sex education classes at school. If this did not happen to you, there are articles of a Life Hacker.
If you don't know what you love, then it will be difficult to get the right actions from your partner. Masturbation will help you to recognize yourself. Do not rush to finish quickly under a porn video, but as a researcher, slowly and thoughtfully study every inch of your body: where touches respond, and where they cause discomfort, in which places you need to act harder, and where only tenderness will do. Only after getting to know yourself will you be able to teach your partner how to treat you.
And not just the penis in men, the clitoris and breasts in women. Explore other obvious and non-obvious erogenous zones. For example, from time to time do testicular massage. This is not only pleasant, but also extremely useful for the sexual satisfaction of both partners.
Do not get hung up on the result, it is better to enjoy the process. It doesn't really matter if everything ends with a violent simultaneous orgasm or today you just fall asleep in each other's arms, never "dying". Both are absolutely normal.
