Many people would like to have close friends, but they are not ready to make an effort for this. How often do we meet someone interesting and think that we could make friends. But business, fatigue and just laziness make us postpone meetings. Weeks and months pass, and we don't get any further than a superficial acquaintance.
Of course, you won't be able to be friends with everyone you meet. It's not necessary. But if you want to make a close friendship, but at the same time constantly find reasons not to go to meetings, it's time to change tactics. The author of the Vox edition Jackie Luo suggests If you’re wondering why you’ve lost friends in adulthood, this is probably why / Vox universal tips.
Tell people to whom you have sympathy or respect that they are interesting to you and you would like to communicate with them. If they don't share your interest, it's okay. But don't miss the opportunity to get to know someone just because you're afraid to seem too intrusive.
Talk about your problems and ask people about their difficulties. Don't just meet in bars and coffee shops, invite friends to your home. Give thoughtful gifts. It is important for friendship that you accept each other as they are. And this is impossible if you never show your weaknesses.
It sounds cruel, but it will save time and effort for both you and the other person. To portray friendship with someone without sincere feelings is not at all a manifestation of kindness. So don't promise to meet sometime later. You both have a limited amount of time. It's better to spend it on really important people.
If your friend is always the first to suggest plans, next time invite him somewhere yourself. If you need to cancel an appointment, suggest another time. And make an effort to keep the new arrangement.
Sometimes friends need your physical presence, sometimes just emotional support. You will always have other things to do and responsibilities. But if you regularly make a choice in favor of them, and not friends, there will soon be nothing left of friendship. In order to preserve it, both sides should try.
Close friendship does not arise just when you have a lot in common or it is convenient for you to communicate. And then, when in some situations you give preference to a friend. How many times do you need to cancel gatherings or miss important events in his life for your friendship to come to naught? Much less than you think.
So the next time you have to decide whether to spend time with a friend or do something else, remember that this choice will affect your relationship.
