Are you redoing an important project for the third time? Can't figure out what is written in the textbook? Have you decided to do programming in Python, but your head is spinning from the new information? At such moments, it is not difficult to doubt your intellectual abilities and reward yourself with some offensive epithets.
But instead of scolding yourself, try using more gentle phrases. For example, "I have strengths and weaknesses. Programming is really difficult. We will have to devote more time and effort to this." Otherwise, you will really convince yourself over time that you are not brilliant — and thus cut off your path to interesting projects and new knowledge.
We usually say this when we are tired and the world appears in very dark colors. At such moments, one last little thing is enough to give up and exclaim: "Why am I always unlucky!"
However, this is a very general and categorical phrase, and there are usually no significant facts behind it.
Try to replace such expressions with a more neutral version: "Yes, there are ups and downs in my life. But I'm doing just as much as I can, and as well as I can at the moment."
Sometimes we try to push the responsibility onto others, and sometimes we go to the other extreme and start blaming ourselves for all our own, and at the same time others', troubles. This is unconstructive and can permanently spoil the mood and destroy motivation. Try to say: "There is my role in what happened. But I am responsible only for my actions and decisions, and not for the whole situation as a whole."
Oh, this is our eternal delusion — to consider ourselves the center of the universe and to think that everyone around cares very much about how we look, what we say and do. All this, of course, comes from self-doubt: we, in fact, attribute our own thoughts to others.
That is, it's not your classmates at the alumni meeting who think you're a loser, but you think you are.
And even if some outsiders really don't like you, it still doesn't mean anything. So replace the disturbing "They think I'm..." with this wording: "They can think anything, it's their right. But their opinion is only their opinion, it doesn't say anything about me."
It happened to everyone: I was going to work, I went to the Internet to search for important information, link by link — and now three hours have passed, and you're reading about Kim Kardashian's plastic surgeries or watching a documentary about a dropfish.
After that, a sense of guilt will fall on anyone: How come I was supposed to do something useful, but instead... I'm lazy, dull and passive, I'll never achieve anything. Only this self-flagellation will not make anyone feel better.
It is the feeling of guilt that is one of the causes of prolonged procrastination. We waste time, then blame ourselves for it and believe that the day is already ruined and it's pointless to get down to business. Therefore, it is better to replace non‑constructive statements with something like "Today is just such a day, I needed to rest. And tomorrow I will catch up."
Everyone, of course, dreams of a bright, bright and comfortable future. But it is not always easy to believe in this — especially if failures are pouring in from all sides. Decadent thoughts immediately begin to creep into my head: "I will never achieve anything, I will not succeed in anything and I will die in poverty."
The probability that this will happen will be much higher if you continue to scold yourself.
Scientists interviewed N. Walter, L. Nikoleizig, D. Alfermann. Effects of self-talk training on competitive anxiety, self-efficacy, volitional skills, and performance: An intervention study with junior sub-elite athletes / Sports 117 athletes, each of whom was given instructions on how to conduct an internal dialogue. Some of the participants gave themselves instructions that were not emotionally colored in any way, athletes from the second group tried to motivate themselves. The third group praised themselves, the fourth scolded and intimidated. The indicators did not differ too much from each other, but the athletes from the first three groups still showed higher athletic results and were more confident than those who criticized themselves.
If you really want to despair and doubt yourself, you can do it in a more gentle form: "Yes, I understand that I may fail. But this is not a reason not to try. In any case, I will take valuable experience out of this story."
Impressive earnings, interesting offers and useful acquaintances sometimes float away from us. Sometimes it's our own fault, and sometimes circumstances turn out that way. But before you dive into regrets, remember that failures happen to absolutely everyone.
For example, the hashtag #menyanevzali was once popular in social networks. Under it, a variety of people, even successful and famous, told how they failed when entering a university, getting a job or during important negotiations.
Therefore, before sighing about the missed and tormenting yourself, try to express this thought in another way: "I didn't succeed here. So I'll get a little excited, and then I'll analyze my mistakes and work on them." And you can also remember what happened in your life thanks to the "failure". For example, if you were hired for a dream job, you would not get a job in a small company and would not meet your half there.
I wonder if there is at least one person in the world who has not been compared to others since childhood?
Petya has already eaten porridge, but you haven't. Masha got a five, and you got a three. All your classmates are already married, and you're still sitting alone.
Of course, we get used to the fact that there are some Masha and Petya around all the time, who are a priori better than us. And we persistently compare ourselves with them, hoping that we are not inferior to them in anything. And, of course, we often lose the comparison, because someone's grass will definitely turn out to be greener.
Instead of envying others and cruelly berating yourself, look at the situation from a different angle: "He did a good job, and this is what he came to. I have a lot to learn from him." There is enough success, money and love in the world for each of us.
