Psychologists consider V. L. Beckner. The key skill we rarely learn: How to feel your feelings / Psychology Today that it is difficult for us to adequately experience feelings, because their main function from the point of view of evolution is to push us to take quick action. In our ancestors, emotions should have triggered a behavioral reaction that would help adapt to the environment: "I feel threatened — it's time to run!" They weren't created so that we could pause and really feel them.
At the same time, any avoidance of emotions or an attempt to control them leaves unresolved the problems that underlie our experiences. Feelings signal what is important to us. We can be sad because we don't have enough communication, or angry because of injustice. And only after we are left alone with "uncomfortable" emotions will we be able to learn something new about our capabilities, avoid incorrect reactions and begin to act in accordance with our values.
If you've been doing at least a little self-development, you've probably heard about how important it is to "spend time" with your feelings. But what exactly does this mean? Six steps will help you not only feel what is happening inside you, but also let go of these experiences. Repeat them over and over again until they become a habit.
For example, if you're spending time with someone you've just started dating and suddenly feel anxious, tell yourself so.: "I feel fear and anxiety."
You don't need to connect your brain to explore your experiences and understand why they engulfed you. On the contrary, you need to resist the urge to analyze everything, otherwise the brain will come up with a lot of wrong scenarios related to the emotion that engulfed you, for example, "I'm not worthy of this love" or "I'll probably ruin everything again." The more you think about your feelings, the stronger they become.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath. "Scan" your body and find the place where the emotion you feel is located: in your chest, stomach, throat?
Immerse yourself in this feeling. There is no need to analyze anything. If your brain needs a task, start describing how emotion manifests in the body. For example: "I feel tightness in my chest. I feel a tingling sensation in my toes. I'm breathing slowly."
Give emotions your energy, which can be positive or healing. Focus on the physical sensations. For example, alternate deep breaths and exhalations and repeat: "I accept this fear" or "I notice my anger." Do whatever your body needs to do, even if you have to scream or beat a pillow to do it.
Focus on the emotion and observe if it moves through the body. Perhaps it has moved from the chest to the jaw? At the same time, did the feeling weaken or, conversely, become stronger?
Instead of returning to scenario-making mode, turn your attention to the body. Follow the "journey" of the feeling you are experiencing. The more you watch him, the more you feel, rather than analyze, the easier it will be for him to gradually dissolve.
If you are still doing breathing exercises by the end of the journey, continue to breathe slowly and deeply. Let the emotion be and believe that its existence is not eternal. As soon as you feel that it has weakened, return to the present moment. Focus on what you were doing before this feeling arose, and pay attention to the fact that you were able to survive it.
