The fence separating one territory from another, the sign "No entry", the opening hours of the store. Such examples of spatial and temporal boundaries are clear to everyone, we accept and observe them. But when it comes to personal boundaries, everything becomes far less obvious.
Try to imagine them as an invisible fence that protects you from various encroachments. If there are personal boundaries and they are strong, this has a positive effect on the level of energy, self-esteem and relationships with others. If there are no borders or you do not know how to defend them , this negatively affects the quality of life.
Here are ten signs that make it clear that there are gaps in your borders, and should be a wake-up call for you.
In this case, annoyance is a signal that tells you: it seems to you that you have been offended or treated unfairly. For example, they persuaded you to take on more responsibilities than you wanted. By agreeing, you have overstepped your boundaries. After that, you will be annoyed that you were asked at all and that now you will have to spend a lot of time and effort.
Fear may suggest that you have taken up something unpleasant for you, thereby violating your boundaries. Meeting with relatives with whom you don't get along, having to go to a party when you're tired — any event on the calendar or an item on the to-do list that makes you tremble with horror is worth evaluating from the point of view of observing personal boundaries.
The most obvious thing is that you work too hard and don't let yourself rest. But exhaustion can also be caused by relationships with others. If after communicating with some person, you feel like a squeezed lemon, doubt yourself or criticize yourself, most likely, he has violated your boundaries. Think about exactly how this happened and how to protect yourself in the future.
This definitely suggests that it's time to strengthen personal boundaries. Think about why it's so hard for you to say no, why you're afraid of letting someone down. And remind yourself that your own mental balance is more important than trying to please others.
They signal that some of your needs are not being met or that your boundaries have been violated somewhere. Do not ignore these feelings and do not blame yourself for experiencing them. Take them as hints and try to understand what exactly they are caused by.
This may manifest itself in the fact that you refuse help or do not ask for it when you would really like to receive it. Or it constantly seems to you that you are doing everything while others are just resting. Thinking about yourself as a victim is a clear sign of problems with personal boundaries.
It's as if you attract "friends" who ask a lot from you, but do not give anything themselves, and disappear in a difficult moment. If this pattern can be traced in all your relationships, you definitely need to work on personal boundaries.
For example, they abuse your kindness and use your time, energy, skills, resources. In short, they sit on your head, and there's nothing you can do about it. This is similar to living in a victim's position and clearly indicates problems with borders.
The feeling that you are overloaded, exhausted and you don't care about anything is the result of repeated violation of personal boundaries. Perhaps you are crossing them yourself or others are doing it. In order not to reach complete burnout , think about which boundaries have suffered: physical, mental or emotional — and how to restore them.
In a relationship, you lose yourself, become what others need. For example, you change your preferences, habits, temperament, appearance. Or adopt the manners and views of another person. Such a constant violation of their borders will not lead to anything good. Try to understand who you really are and defend it.
