Can conflict make a person happier? Paradoxically, yes! Is the truth born in a dispute? Yes — if its participants have mastered the art of constructive discussion. We have collected books that will help you train this skill.
It is logical that a selection of conflicts will not do without a book about passive aggression. Do you agree? You bet! And now stop — it was just that passive aggression, don't do that.
The problem with this behavior model is that the conflict always remains implicit: one person imposes guilt on another, while remaining within the bounds of decency. The passive aggressor, with his supposedly harmless words and actions, provokes the victim to openly negative statements, and then shifts all responsibility for the situation onto her, and even accuses her of not being able to control herself.
In her book, HR development specialist Oksana Gritsenko talked about the motives and causes of passive aggression, gathered a whole arsenal of techniques that will help her resist, and also shared the typology of aggressors at work and in life so that readers can easily recognize toxic people.
The book will be healing for those who have long suppressed their own emotions and forbade themselves to openly express anger, hiding behind statements like "Well-mannered people can solve everything calmly." Most often, women find themselves in such a trap: once they show discontent, others instantly write them down as bitches and brawlers.
Meanwhile, anger is a signal that is better not to ignore. Sometimes an outburst of rage indicates that we are not solving a significant issue for our existence or that in our relationships with other people we have to sacrifice our own beliefs, values and desires.
Psychologist Harriet Lerner suggests taking a close look at the various manifestations of anger and allowing yourself to experience all feelings, including negative and unsightly ones. His book will help to find a way to express indignation in an environmentally friendly way and find a balance between constant restraint of emotions and irrational behavior.
How easy it would be to live if all disputes were reduced to a pure exchange of opinions and evidence! However, then Socrates and Plato would not have agreed on everything important. Emotions inevitably interfere with conflicts. It's not always a bad thing.: They help us defend our position or sympathize with someone else's point of view, but they often interfere with healthy discussions.
Ian Leslie, the author of popular science books, has deduced the rules of productive argument. Ian relies on research data from communication theory and cognitive psychology, as well as the experience of those who are constantly forced to participate in complex dialogues: police officers, hostage negotiators, diplomats, family psychotherapists and divorce lawyers. The author will prove that conflicts should not always be avoided, because in certain conditions they can bring great benefits and even pleasure.
Lucky people with developed empathy always understand how appropriate it is to act in a given situation. But what should those who find it difficult to communicate do? Read a short but succinct book by business coach Alexander Orlov. He will tell you how to understand other people, take their place, select arguments and convince them of their point of view. The methods discussed in the text were tested by the author on the listeners of his trainings.
For example, here's what Alexander advises to do to reduce the intensity of passions in a conflict situation. If a person yells at you, he thinks you can't hear him. Show that this is not the case: in response to an abusive email, call or come in person. If you are talking face to face, start writing down the conversation with the words "Let's figure it out now. What's the question?" — this will automatically set it up to be constructive.
Asking for forgiveness is difficult, and doing it right is even more difficult. Most of us live under the influence of misconceptions and myths about apologies. This includes the idea that our intentions determine the impact on other people: if I didn't mean to offend you, then you can't be offended. The good news is that each of us is able to effectively ask for forgiveness. One of the biggest and most common obstacles here is the lack of technology, and the book by psychologist Molly Howes is designed to fix this.
In short, a good apology consists of four steps. First, understand how much pain you have caused the person, and also track the consequences of your actions. Here you need to ask questions and listen. Secondly, express sincere regret: acknowledge your act and its impact. Third, make amends. Fourth, determine what you will do to avoid repeating the mistake. And remember, apologies should not revolve around your person. All these steps are described in more detail in the book.
Our way of communicating can open or close doors, heal or cause pain, bring joy or bring suffering, and ultimately determine how happy we are. Marshall Rosenberg, the author of the concept of nonviolent communication (NGO), explains how to communicate peacefully, even when the situation is tense to the limit. His experience in peacekeeping in hot spots around the world helps him in this. The book deals with conflicts related in one way or another to political and cultural contradictions, as well as family life and business communication.
To resolve a quarrel amicably, it is worth first working on our own thinking, on how we perceive ourselves and others, and how we satisfy our needs. This is the most difficult aspect of the ability to speak peacefully, requiring sincerity and openness.
The idea may seem radical, but it must be accepted in order to introduce NGOs into our lives: everything we do serves to meet our needs, which means that in fact we have no enemies, and people's negative actions towards us are just their way of satisfying their needs. We can help them find more effective and less destructive ways to do this, without blaming them for anything, without shaming or despising them for not being what we want them to be.
World events have not yet given us a reason to agree, and conflicts on this basis are inevitable. Sometimes we compromise, avoid tension, do not clarify controversial points, gloss over or avoid topics that are difficult and scary to talk about. But by refusing to have an honest conversation, we take away from ourselves and our relationship the opportunity to grow and change.
Before you remove from friends and block everyone who disagrees with you, as well as quarrel with relatives to the nines because of a discrepancy in views, read the book by psychologists Anateisha S. Kim and Alicia M. del Prado. They show the middle way: you can stay constructive and approach relationships with an open heart, taking care of your feelings.
The authors give real‑life examples, talk about case studies and concepts of cognitive behavioral theory, and describe ways to resolve conflicts. Step-by-step exercises give a clear idea of how you can help yourself and your loved ones.
