Anyone can find themselves in this position. You are attracted to a person, you want to spend more and more time with him and begin to fall in love, but you do not understand how he or she feels.
Sometimes a person gives mixed signals: today — flirting and smiles, tomorrow — indifference. And sometimes you can't quite figure out whether his or her reactions are a manifestation of love. It is not surprising that in such circumstances it is scary to take the initiative. However, this is not the only reason that may prevent you from being the first to admit your feelings.
People who express, rather than hush up, any of their emotions and experiences are admired. Because this requires not only courage, but also unshakable self-confidence. The same goes for romantic confessions.
We may be afraid that we will be rejected, we will be laughed at, our feelings will be treated carelessly, and this hurts. If nothing works out, then how will I deal with it later? Therefore, sometimes we choose to simply abandon the experience if there is a risk that it will be negative.
This fear is not meaningless at all. According to one small study N. I. Eisenberger, M. D. Lieberman, et al. Does Rejection Hurt? An fMRI Study of Social Exclusion / Science when we are rejected, the same areas in our brain are activated as in physical pain. We can say that we avoid rejection by following the same sense of self-preservation that prevents us from grabbing a hot frying pan with our bare hands.
However, when it comes to relationships, this does not mean that you need to give in to fear. If you want to challenge him to a fight and win in order to make that very first step in the end, try to start with a few simple techniques.
Unfortunately, this is not the most encouraging sign. When a person likes you, they will try to take your relationship to a new level, even if everything happens slowly. For example, first he will get to know and communicate with you, then he will ask for a phone number, then he will write and so on.
If a person is interested in you, the graph of your relationship will smoothly go up, and not resemble a broken line of ups and downs in the style of "yesterday they smiled at me, but today they didn't even say hello to me."
It looks like a very unsafe thing, but everyone decides for himself whether this type of interaction is suitable for him. All these double messages, when there is confusion about what a person says and what he means. As in a household example, when a mother asks a child: "You tell the truth, I will never scold you for it." The child speaks and is scolded.
A person does not have the gift of reading minds, and this is the moment where you can clarify information. For example: "I've noticed that sometimes you act like I'm not there. But at the same time, there are moments when we communicate very well. When I start to feel indifferent, I get a little lost, because I would like to communicate with you. Perhaps we could discuss this?"
If you are serious about finding out if a person has feelings for you and what exactly, you can casually push them to express their attitude towards you in other ways:
Sometimes hints and non-verbal signs can be quite difficult to decipher, even if they are constant. Did she invite me to a quiz with friends because she wants to spend time with me or because I'm good at the topic? Does he smile all the time when he meets me because he likes me or because that's his style of communicating with everyone? What if all these signs of mutual sympathy exist only in my head?
I would like to give some instructions on what to do in order to understand everything "on the shore", but, unfortunately, there are no such instructions. The lists "she twists a lock of hair and, therefore, loves you" have nothing to do with life.
What can be done? Wait for the moments until you understand what it is — falling in love or love, and think about how you will understand it at all. Or try to translate your feelings into words and actions and look at the situation.
If you want to be more active, try probing the ground as follows:
If all your efforts have not been successful, do not get upset. "You can be the most delicious peach, and someone may just not like peaches," says Elena Kotova. This does not mean at all that you are a terrible person who will never build a romantic relationship, so it makes no sense to try anymore. It is likely that the next attempt will be successful.
