Strong relationships are always built on trust. It doesn't matter how open we are to other people. If trust is lost, our inner sense of security is threatened. We begin to doubt ourselves and our partner, their honesty, feelings, motives, and actions.
Lies and secrets affect relationships not only with a partner, but also with family, friends, and loved ones. We begin to build walls of distrust, hoping to protect ourselves. But this is not the only problem.
It can be difficult for us to open up to other people for several reasons.
If a person has experienced betrayal in a past relationship, they may be particularly inclined to stop trusting others. Raw anger and pain can make us look for a double bottom where there is none, or subconsciously attract unreliable partners.
Sometimes distrust begins in the family. If relatives abuse alcohol or drugs, or there are many secrets in the family that are lied about and kept silent, the child may stop trusting not only his parents, but also his own understanding of reality.
Usually, dad and mom don't talk about what's going on in the hope of protecting the children. But it's quite the opposite — lying confuses a child who feels that adults are not telling something.
Sometimes parents deliberately conceal the truth, trying to impose their vision of the situation or hide guilt and shame for what happened. Some dads and moms may even blame their children for family failures. Such situations further undermine the child's trust in the world around them.
At the same time, even the most seemingly small things can negatively affect the understanding of trust — when parents do not fulfill promises, do not take their child out of kindergarten or school on time, come up with an ever-changing punishment system.
Indifference, infidelity in the family, physical or emotional violence — all this also undermines the inner sense of trust in the world.
The encounter with abuse and psychological trauma lead not only to distrust, but also to excessive trust. Some people even have both of these scenarios.
There are other factors that make a person start to trust others too much and which can manifest themselves both individually and together. Among them is the idealization of a partner, dependence on a relationship, or the desire for them to be trusting.
Despite the fact that a family can seriously undermine trust, a child's desire to open up to others does not go away. This subconscious longing for a real strong relationship leads to the fact that a person projects trust on unsuitable people, trying to create an almost familial feeling of intimacy.
Add to this dependence on relationships and the desire for care — and now we are already denying the obvious arguments and signals and trying our best to continue to believe the person who constantly undermines our trust.
In addition, when parents deny the reality of the child, he stops paying attention to his feelings and intuition. All this leads to excessive trust, especially in relation to loved ones.
Unfortunately, you can't go back in time and change family relationships. But if we have betrayed or violated the trust of a person dear to us, it is still possible to turn the situation around, although it is difficult. The main thing is to approach the issue as gently and carefully as possible.
Destroyed trust cannot be restored with simple apologies, and explanations and excuses can make the situation worse. You can try to return a close relationship with the help of seven steps:
The last point is especially important. It is worth asking your partner how best to make amends and what to do so that this situation does not happen again. These questions will help a loved one feel that their emotions and needs are respected.
When it comes to serious betrayal, you will have to discuss the relationship and decide whether they can be saved and how to do it.
If it is not possible to regain trust through dialogue, the problem repeats itself or it concerns treason, it is worth contacting a specialist. It will help partners to open up to each other and find the source of the problem. Looking for help outside of a relationship is not a weakness. On the contrary, it shows a willingness to work on the union and strengthen it.
Loss of trust is a real test for a relationship. At first, it may seem that the partner has forgiven and everything has returned to normal. In fact, a loved one may still be tormented and worried about what happened. It may take months or even years for a full-fledged healing. Stay close and help a loved one heal wounds.
