Remember the famous psychological Rorschach test, during which you need to look at the image of an ink spot and describe what you see. And then try to imagine yourself as such a spot on paper. What the other person sees says more about himself than about the ink spot — that is, about you. Qualities that will cause sympathy in one person, on the contrary, will make another angry.
How others perceive you largely depends on how many qualities they see in themselves in common with you. According to researchers E. R. Tenney, E. Turkheimer, T. F Oltmanns. Being liked is more than having a good personality: The role of matching / Journal of Research in Personality , we prefer people who are similar in character to ourselves. During the experiment, this was especially noticeable among people with undesirable qualities. The more nervous or hot-tempered the participant was, the more likely he was to positively evaluate people with the same characteristics.
Don't forget: you can only control your behavior, but not the character or preferences of the interlocutor.
In addition to your personality, many other factors affect the perception of others. Everyone has their own affairs, their own problems, their own mood. Someone may have a hard day at work, or a quarrel with loved ones, or just a huge to-do list. All these factors unknown to you will affect how the interlocutor will answer you, but they have nothing to do with you personally. Sometimes it is useful to remind yourself of your insignificance.
We often become victims of cognitive distortions. We attribute negative thoughts about ourselves to others, accept all their words and reactions at our own expense, and imagine the worst case scenario. This happens unconsciously.
Try to understand what distortions you are subject to. What assumptions do you usually make about yourself and others? What do you often take for granted? How fair are you reasoning? Pay attention to what thoughts you have before, during and after the conversation. Be honest with yourself, trying to understand what could have distorted your perception.
Uncertainty makes us uncomfortable. When a person does not send either openly friendly or openly hostile signals, it is difficult for us to determine his attitude. Therefore, we interpret a lot of completely neutral conversations as negative. In such situations, we have to rely on our understanding of the world.
If your picture of the world includes the idea that people always reject you, you will constantly notice it.
When you see someone who is just minding his own business, you will think that he is avoiding you. This is manifested by an increased sensitivity to neglect. It is more typical not for meetings with strangers, but for communicating with those with whom you have known for a long time or are just starting a relationship.
Imagine that you would have to communicate with all 7 billion people on Earth. How many percent of these people would find you a nice person? Obviously not 100%. This is a good reminder that during your life you will inevitably meet people who will not like you.
For example, about 70% of the population would like you. Then the other 30% would dislike you, which is about 2 billion people. And they can meet you anywhere.
Remind yourself that the circumstances are against you: someone will not like you anyway. It remains only to accept this and move on.
