Maybe that's not what you wanted to hear at all, and you can't wait to get back into the dating world. But spending some time alone after a divorce is the best thing to do. Because in this case, you have a great opportunity to get to know yourself better, understand what you like and what you don't, and heal internal wounds after parting with your partner.
This will lift your mood and help to increase self-esteem. When we are confident in ourselves, we have a much better chance of attracting people close to us in spirit.
The "empty" time after a divorce is ideal for getting rid of limiting ideas about love and relationships. Analyze your past experience. You may notice that you repeat the same behaviors over and over again, or you always fall in love with people of the same type .
Try to get rid of the stereotypes that hinder you on your own or seek help from a psychologist — this will increase the chances of finding a new love.
It is not necessary for children to know all the details of your personal life. Firstly, the less you discuss your partners with them, the easier it is for you to make decisions based on what is best for you. Secondly, it will help to avoid unpleasant consequences. After all, if the next relationship does not last long, and the children have time to get attached to your new partner, they will have to go through another loss.
Give your son or daughter the opportunity to get used to the new reality. Research shows H. Xiao, M. Langlais, et al. Is it OK if mommy dates? The influence of mother’s post‑divorce dating transitions for children’s behaviors / Journal of Child and Family Studies that the relationship between a mother and a child largely determines what influence her personal life has on him. At the same time, after the divorce, children often become closer to their mothers and move away M. E. Scott, A. Booth, et al. Postdivorce father‑adolescent closeness / Journal of Marriage and Family from the fathers. This means that dads also need to pay more attention to the child and not rush to introduce him to a new couple.
In any case, parents should put the care of children first and first of all find mutual understanding with them.
What do you want from life? How do you see your future partner? What kind of relationship do you dream of? And, most importantly, do you believe that you can really get it all?
Write down the answers to these questions, especially the last one. Even if it seems to you that you are inventing on the go, still fix your thoughts. This will help you identify subconscious attitudes related to love relationships and realize your own value.
Think about what qualities you must have in order for your ideal partner to be interested in you. For example, if you want to see a confident person next to you, then you need to develop this quality in yourself. Try to be confident in any situation every day, even if at first you just have to pretend.
Try to spend more time with positive-minded people you can trust. This will give you a feeling of support: you will feel less lonely and more confident in yourself. And it will be much easier for you to be patient when looking for a new partner.
If you have experienced a serious trauma in marriage or in the process of divorce, thoughts about the worst could become obsessive. And in this state, it is quite difficult to rebuild your personal life. You can be overcome by a variety of emotions to the point that the very idea of going on a date again will cause anxiety and sadness. Try not to give in to these feelings and find a suitable way to calm down and recover.
Write down as many qualities and character traits as possible that you want to see in a future partner. When the list is ready, select the five main items. These will be the points about which you will not compromise.
For example, if you dream of having children, the five main points should include the condition that a potential partner dreams of the same thing. Such a list will help you quickly determine with whom you are ready to build a relationship , and with whom you are definitely not on the way.
Pay attention to your feelings when you make new acquaintances. Yes, perhaps the one you met looks completely different from what you imagined. But next to him you feel good and comfortable. So don't discount this person right away. After all, no one knows what your communication will eventually lead to.
When you meet a person with whom you will feel good, do not rush to take the relationship to the next level. Approach the decision more carefully and intelligently and make sure that you will not be left with a broken heart again. And don't settle for anything less than what you really deserve.
You should not follow stereotypical rules like "sex on the fifth date". Sometimes people quickly become attached to a new partner after sex and cannot separate their emotions from the physical process.
Therefore, before you have sex, make sure that you really want to spend time with this person and you are ready for more.
Society puts a lot of pressure on single people, constantly trying to find a couple for them or making them feel inferior. In fact, if you don't want a relationship or understand that you need time to be alone, there's nothing wrong with that. It is better to be happy alone than unhappy in a couple.
If the prospect of dating scares you, most likely, it's just not yet time for a new relationship, and this is absolutely normal. Perhaps you are familiar with this feeling when you have found something of your own. For example, you've been looking for housing for a long time, and then you went into another apartment and realized — that's what you need. When you meet "your" person, you will feel it. Trust your feelings.
To really get to know someone, it takes How Long Does It Take to Get to Know Someone? / Psychology Today at least a year and a half. And for a new relationship after a divorce, it may take more time.
Do not rush to go to the registry office with a new partner. Take more time to find out if your views on parenting and the distribution of finances in a couple coincide, get to know each other's families and find out what is important for each of you. This will help you make an objective and correct decision.
