After the breakup, it is important to give yourself the opportunity to "mourn" the ended relationship. But sometimes this process drags on, and the spiral of negative emotions twists even more: we blame ourselves for what happened, and regret the ideal future that we have lost. Toxic installations prevent getting out of this vicious circle. These are phrases that we repeat so often that they begin to seem true, even if they are actually lies.
Toxic attitudes are like chronic back pain — they creep into our lives unnoticed, and over time we just take them for granted instead of treating them. Here are the three most common installations and ways to get rid of them.
Many believe in fate, soulmate and the magical "they lived happily ever after." However, life is not a Disney movie, which means you need to move on, no matter how hard it is.
Perhaps kindred spirits do exist. But what makes you think that you have only one on our huge planet? If you accept the idea that you can have a lot of kindred spirits, then you will meet a huge number of wonderful interesting people with whom you will have a sincere and happy relationship.
Yes, some unions have an expiration date. It's neither your fault nor your partner's fault — it's just life. If you stay at home and watch TV shows under a blanket, you will definitely not find your real soul mate.
Or other options: "It's my fault that the relationship ended," "I pushed a loved one away," "I didn't understand what I wanted, and now I understand how wrong I was."
Even if you emotionally shut yourself off from your partner, lied or cheated on him, you do not deserve to constantly feel guilty. Yes, you screwed up, but you can't go back in time and fix it. Self—flagellation will not change anything - you need to forgive yourself and move on.
If you consider yourself a bad partner, honestly answer a few difficult questions:
Of course, it would be much better if you talked to your partner about your feelings in time and parted on a good note. But that didn't happen, and that's fine. Mistakes are part of the human experience.
Try to look into yourself and find the source of guilt. This will help you understand what needs to be done to fix the situation. You are free now, so use this time to work on yourself. You will understand who you are and what you want, which means you can be sure that you will choose the right partner for the next relationship.
After a breakup, a variety of thoughts may arise. For example: "There are still hsimilarities between us. How can I live on if I love a person? After all, "all you need is love.""
In fact, this is not true. Love is a wonderful feeling. It makes us happy and purposeful. When a relationship ends, and feelings remain, it is difficult to let go of the situation. And yet sometimes love is not enough: it makes a relationship deep, but it does not save them. You and your partner can love each other, but move in different directions and understand that you should break up now, and not later, when you start hating each other.
Nevertheless, as trite as it may be, it is better to love and lose than never to love at all. When we give our heart to someone, we learn a lot about ourselves, allow ourselves to be open, honest and vulnerable.
Your separation from your partner does not mean that love must die. Let it live inside you, but keep going forward. Staying in the past because you believe that love will save you is pointless.
You will find happiness again, even if now it seems to you that it is not so. But to do this, you need to allow yourself to look for love in the most unexpected places — including inside yourself. Otherwise, you will be standing still for a very long time.
Take one small step every day. For example, go to dinner with a friend instead of being sad at home. Or work out at the gym instead of checking your ex-partner's social networks every five minutes. It will take time and effort to get rid of toxic installations. To survive a breakup is a choice, and if you are ready to do it, everything will work out.
