Successful people are rarely perfectionists. Because such beliefs make you doubt yourself and lead to indecision, so that no task can be completed. But what exactly "feeds" perfectionism? Maybe it's a desire to prove your worth to others or a desire to avoid feelings of shame and condemnation? Or maybe it's a far-fetched need to impress strict bosses? Although in fact, a perfectionist most often tries to prove something to his parents or his inner critic.
Perfectionism can become a convenient habit. If you follow his lead from an early age, a dialogue with an inner voice that inspires such attitudes may seem like an obligatory ritual to achieve success. But over time, it's more like communicating with an old friend, which it's time to stop long ago. Of course, this cannot be done in one evening. There are three ways to start healing from perfectionism and not go astray.
As with other unhealthy habits, you need strong motivation to get rid of perfectionism. If you want to do this, think about this: what are you depriving yourself of, for fear of being imperfect?
Let's say you're afraid of embarrassing yourself during a public speech. Therefore, you avoid participating in conferences as a speaker, despite the fact that you know that this can give you credibility as a specialist and help your career. This is the motivation. If you continue to be a perfectionist and refuse to report, you will not reach the professional heights you dream of. Of course, the first performances may be far from perfect, but you should not give up and deprive yourself of the chance to become better.
Identify exactly what you're missing out on because of perfectionism, and use that as motivation.
All perfectionists have common patterns of thinking that prevent them from getting rid of limiting attitudes. Here are some examples:
If you are familiar with these phrases, listen to which voice pronounces them in your head: a certain person or yourself? Learn to notice the moments when you automatically begin to justify your actions in this way. Observe how you feel when the inner critic gets the better of you, what emotions precede it and what can calm your anxiety.
There is a very interesting way to calm the inner critic, which perfectionists will like, because it includes a little self-criticism. The fact is that it is very selfish to dwell on your shortcomings all the time. Just ask yourself why you have to be special in everything and who told you about it.
The inner critic is a kind of self—admiration, which serves as a way of protection. It may seem that the only way to succeed, to get love and universal recognition is to be excellent and do everything one hundred percent. But this is another trap of perfectionism. The truth is that if you are not the best at everything, it will not become a threat to either your personality or your success and will not prevent you from getting everything you want from life.
The next time you start worrying about impending failure, ask yourself why you can't make a mistake and why you can't have bad days like everyone else.
Reminding yourself that you are no better than others is not self—deprecation at all. This is a manifestation of self-compassion and a way to gently but effectively deal with egocentric behaviors that support perfectionism.
To eradicate perfectionism, you need to find the courage to apply not the maximum, but a sufficient amount of effort. This means something that will allow you to do something well and eliminate excessive emotional involvement in the result.
A sufficient amount of effort is when you don't have to fight and suffer. Think about how you would like to complete the task if it were the last one in your life. Not every business requires you to give your best. What if you do 79% of the work? What if you prepare a regular report, and not a work of art? The key is to remember the result. Will he be good enough for your superiors? Will it be good enough for you? The answer to both questions: most likely, yes.
Think about the happy accidents in your life. For example, when a work meeting was canceled or deadlines moved and you suddenly had a brilliant idea that was not enough to solve the problem. When the mind is free, it is much easier to think creatively. Keep this in mind, and the next time you want to work overtime, imagine how much space for ideas will open up in your mind if only you decide to sleep at night.
Try this approach on non-working tasks. For example, in training. If you work out for 1 hour a day, reduce the time to 40 minutes and see what happens. Does the process become less stressful? The need to go to the gym no longer causes anxiety? Perhaps at first you will think that you are not training enough, which means that you are a loser. But you may also notice that you have gained something: peace of mind, more relaxed working days and more free time. And it is unlikely that you will regret the 20 minutes that required additional effort from you. So, it's okay to do enough or even a little less to live a full and healthy life.
