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When talking about effective negotiations, people usually imagine a vigorous exchange of arguments. And pauses in conversation are perceived as something wrong. As if the parties have nothing to say to each other.
Meanwhile, this is a misconception. In fact, moments of silence are what allows the parties to talk more meaningfully and increases the chances of reaching a compromise.
In a recent study J. R. Curhan, J. R. Overbeck, et al. Silence is golden: Extended silence, deliberative mindset, and value creation in negotiation / Journal of Applied Psychology , published in the American Journal of Applied Psychology, scientists tried to figure out whether there is a difference between active negotiations without pauses and negotiations during which the parties fell silent from time to time. And we found this:
Pauses longer than 3 seconds, perceived as prolonged silence, significantly improved the quality of negotiations.
This means that the interlocutors eventually chose words and arguments better to defend their own position. In addition, they used silence to cope with the first emotions, and then logically comprehend the arguments of the opponent and try to accept his point of view. As a result, both sides understood each other better. And it was easier to find a compromise.
Negotiations are usually seen as a tug of war: if one wins, then the other loses. But negotiations are not necessarily a battle. And winning is not necessarily something fixed. There are creative ways to resolve conflicts, and it is almost always possible to find a solution in which both sides win. Our research shows that pauses are one of the most effective ways to find such a solution.
The researchers named the optimal pause duration — no less than 3, but no more than 9 seconds. Too short a silence will not allow you to think about a difficult question qualitatively. And a prolonged one can cause confusion in the opponent.
But the duration is not the only thing that should be taken into account when falling silent during negotiations.
Here are some tips given by the author of the study on the benefits of pauses, Jared Kurhan.
The rule "no less than 3, but no more than 9 seconds" was derived based on the analysis of negotiations in the English-speaking communities of the United States. Other cultures may have a different attitude to pauses.
For example, in Japan, is considered the norm Can Silence Close a Business Deal? You Bet — Here’s How / Inc. long silence, especially when it comes to complex business negotiations. Such pauses can drag on for many minutes. As a rule, the Japanese fall silent just before the conclusion of the deal — to finally think over all the details before putting their signature under the contract. If you break this silence, the Japanese will decide that you haven't discussed everything yet, and negotiations may drag on indefinitely.
In Japan, the love of pauses in conversation is reflected in the concept of "haragei". She suggests that the best communication is when you don't say anything at all, that is, you understand each other without words.
In the Netherlands, on the contrary, they do not tolerate long pauses. So, a 2011 study reports N. Koudenburg, T. Postmes, E. H. Gordijn. Disrupting the flow: How brief silences in group conversations affect social needs / Journal of Experimental Social Psychology : if the conversation stops for more than 4 seconds, the average Dutchman feels that he is rejected, they do not want to communicate with him. This can destroy mutual understanding.
Silence is a powerful weapon. Taking a break, you can cope with emotions and begin to think logically. But if you are communicating with a representative of a culture in which prolonged silence looks awkward, then there is a risk that the interlocutor will subconsciously see you as an enemy.
To prevent this from happening, before each pause, do not forget to explain to the vis-a-vis what is happening. Say, "I need a minute to think." Or: "Let me make sense of what has been said." This will not allow silence to interrupt the dialogue.
You are also interested in the fact that the interlocutor could be silent and rationally comprehend your words. This is likely to make the negotiations more mutually beneficial. But there are two points here.
On the one hand, your opponent may be afraid to pause, so as not to look like he was stumped. On the other hand, he, on the contrary, may remain silent for too long, which is why you will already feel uncomfortable.
There is a common solution for both situations. It consists in a simple phrase: "I understand you need to think." Learn to say it when there is an awkward, in your opinion, break in the conversation. It will allow both sides of the negotiations to feel more at ease.
