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In fact, the inability to say no is one of the biggest problems that even successful entrepreneurs talk about. And indeed, it is very difficult to say no to many things, meeting with friends, work, temptations. This is a difficult task and not everyone can handle it. And yet, research shows that even small changes can have a significant impact on the ability to say "no".
According to the results of a study published in the journal Consumer Research, 120 students were divided into 2 groups. The difference between these groups was as follows: the participants of the first group should say I can't, and the participants of the second group I don't want to. For example, when the participants of 2 groups were tempted with ice cream, the first ones had to say "I can't eat ice cream", and the second ones "I don't want to eat ice cream".
After repeating these phrases many times, the students answered the list of questions, filled out the forms and left, deciding that the experiment was over. In fact, it has only just begun. When students took turns entering the room and handing in the answer forms, they were offered a choice of chocolate and whole grain bars. And here's what happened:
Students from the group «I can't» chose a chocolate bar 61% of the time, while students from the group «I don't want » chose it 36% of the time. This simple change of wording greatly improved the chances that a person would choose healthier food.
Our words are the formulation of our feelings. In addition, the words we use create feedback in our brain, which affects our future behavior. For example, every time we say «I can't », feedback is created that reminds us of our limitations. In this case, «I don't want» speaks about controlling the situation and making an informed choice. This phrase can help to get rid of bad habits and acquire good ones.
Heidi Halvorson is the director of the Center for Scientific Motivation at Columbia University, here's how she explains the difference between these expressions:
The words «I don't want » express a choice and therefore feel like the right decision. This is an affirmation of our determination and willpower. » I can't» — it's not a choice. This is a limitation that we impose on ourselves. «I can't» undermines our self-confidence and sense of power over the situation.
Every day there are situations when we need to say no. And very often we are afraid of this word. For example, a waiter who offers dessert in addition to the order, or a desire to skip training and stay at home, or distracting SMS, calls, letters that prevent you from concentrating on something really important. We don't notice the difference between the answers to these small life situations. But, imagine the effect of correctly saying «no».
«I can't» and « I don't want» — these are words that are very similar in meaning, but psychologically create an absolutely opposite effect. These are not just phrases. These are confirmations of what you believe and what you are doing. The ability to overcome temptations and say no in time is very important not only for physical health, but also for daily productivity.
Simply put: you can be a victim of your words, or you can be a creator. What do you prefer?
