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About Everything Wiki » Inspiration » How to get rid of jealousy and fear of loss?

How to get rid of jealousy and fear of loss?

03 May 2023, 19:23, parser
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We buy paintings and take photos so that we never look at them, we are jealous of our lovers and friends because they are ours. Even while reading the book, we copy the phrases we like, but we don't go back to them anymore.

We are constantly afraid of losing something: property, friends, memories. Trying to capture, appropriate and leave, we fail to feel the depths and appreciate anything. Is it possible otherwise? It is possible, but you will have to change the installation.

Modern society teaches us to consume and have as much as possible. This attitude is projected not only on things, most of which we do not need, but also on non-material spheres. A habit is a habit. If you have learned to take everything for yourself, emotions, memories, thoughts and relationships will gather dust in your chest.

The book "To Have or to Be" by Erich Fromm, a German philosopher and sociologist of the XX century, examines in detail this problem of modern society, which in the pursuit of ownership has forgotten what it is to live.

Becoming a habit, the thirst for possession penetrates into all spheres of life and poisons them with the fear of loss. But there is another extreme: a person does not try to appropriate anything. The differences between them are enormous.


The life position, in which the main thing is to seize and appropriate everything to yourself, is visible even in training. A possession-oriented student will carefully take notes of everything the lecturer says, without delving into it and without being interested. Then he will cram his notes to pass the exam, and will not even think about why he needs it.

A student who is used to living in the present will not take notes of what he does not need, but will actively participate in discussions and try to understand the material that will interest him.


How many people work in an unloved job? The topic is painful and worn out. Everyone knows that work should be loved, but no one really cares about it, there would be money.

An acquisition-oriented person does not think about the present moment. He can be bored all his life at a terrible job, spoil his nerves and constantly buy what he is supposed to have.

In addition, people who want to possess rarely change their place of employment and do not try themselves in another field. A person is very afraid of losing his position, money and comfort, because he begins to personify himself with them. "Who am I without my home and position?" he thinks, and fear slows down changes for the better.

A person living in the present will not be able to work at an unloved job. He feels bad NOW. And it doesn't matter how much beautiful furniture and status items he will be able to buy at the end of the month. Such people take on only what fascinates them. It's not so difficult to find such a case if you set a goal.


When going on vacation, everyone takes cameras or phones with a camera with them. It does not matter where the trip will be, to a nearby forest, to a popular resort or to the palaces of Mesoamerica. At concerts, the crowd raises smartphones over their heads to film what is happening on stage.

You can come to the sea and take a thousand pictures of the sunset, but through the camera lens you will not see its real beauty. You will have some cool photos for Instagram*, but not live admiration.  This is best seen in historical places, when an enthusiastic crowd of tourists wanders between the sights with cameras glued to their faces.

We get really deep emotions when we concentrate on an object (music and the manner of performance of our favorite band) or fully perceive a sunset on the sea, a colorful exotic show, or something else beautiful. If you are distracted by shooting or looking into the lens, the moment will be lost.

on concert1

Then you will show photos and videos to your friends, but that's not why you were looking for new experiences.

Communication and relationships

What is jealousy? This is the fear of losing a person, which is possible only if he is yours. How many dramas happen just because people consider each other things that can belong to someone. The one who lives in the present moment respects the other person, enjoys it and does not demand anything.

Having appropriated someone, you begin to change it, redo it for your convenience.

People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. But our world is in chaos... because things are loved and people are used. The Dalai Lama

Do you often visit those with whom communication has exhausted itself? Many live together for years, experiencing suffering and pain, but at the same time they cannot separate because they belong to each other.

It turns out that you are just using a person, no matter what kind of love is being talked about at this time. But things get boring, and with this attitude there are still a lot of dramas ahead of you.

What to do to "be"?

Perception will not change in one day, but there is one thought that can help: all people are mortal, and, as Bulgakov wrote, suddenly mortal.

If you just imagine that your life span is limited to two weeks or a month, what would you do? Would you go to your job; would you communicate with people you are in contact with now; would you buy the things you dream about today?

After all, to live without the pursuit of property in any sphere means to dive deeply into every moment, to exist in the present, and not in the future, which may not come.

Read also 🧐
  • How to overcome the fear of changing jobs
  • The mechanism of fear: how to wean the brain to be afraid
  • What is love and what it is: the view of psychologists

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26 Jan 2024, 12:02    1    0
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