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About Everything Wiki » Sexology » Why sex is an unsuccessful gift for Valentine's Day, as well as for any other holiday

Why sex is an unsuccessful gift for Valentine's Day, as well as for any other holiday

10 Jun 2023, 00:01, parser
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If you've ever studied a selection of possible gifts for Valentine's Day or read messages on forums, then you've probably found sex among the ideas. Girls are often recommended to use this option. For example, buy yourself beautiful underwear, tie a bow on yourself and go to bed with your lover. Sometimes they also offer to show imagination and fulfill some partner's desire, which the couple did not dare to do before. Or give coupons for sexual practices. However, over the years, they began to advise guys to use sex as a gift, but usually in an expanded package of care — with dinner and all that.

In general, sex is a good thing, and it is very logical to do it on Valentine's Day. But if we consider it a gift, there are some nuances, and not the most pleasant ones.

Sex gift of dubious value

Let's take a bouquet of flowers or a radio-controlled car. You may like them, you may not like them, that's all. The value of sex as a gift is too variable. To begin with: the couple does this periodically. Why was it just sex yesterday and a present today? Even if beautiful underwear or other things are used. Moreover, if the day was pleasant, everyone is full of energy and playfully tuned, there will still be sex.

Sex is also something that ideally happens to the pleasure of all participants in the process and at the general desire. That is, if everyone likes to make love, then there is no gift element in it, a person goes to bed or another place for his enjoyment. If the giver doesn't like sex too much and doesn't really want it, but steps over himself, it's even worse. Few people are pleased if they condescend to contact him, if his caresses are tolerated. And this approach to business is usually noticeable to a partner with non-zero empathy.

If for some reason you don't want or can't buy a gift, you can make the day special in other ways. And then end the evening with sex. Or not — it's up to you.

This obliges

You can not want sex. But the gift obliges both the giver and the recipient.

Imagine that the girl decided to present such a present. But by the evening she was tired, she had a toothache, and she was worried about tomorrow's meeting. She doesn't even want to anymore, but it seems like it's necessary, she planned everything. Or maybe she's ready, but the guy has an important meeting tomorrow, and he's not in the mood at all. But they give him a gift. Not everyone has the courage to say, "Honey, I really appreciate your efforts, but let's not do it today." And not everyone will be able to accept it and not feel rejected.

If coitus takes place in such a situation, it will not turn into violence , because everything seems to happen by voluntary consent. But there will be an element of sacrifice. And that's not what people usually expect. Few people think in the process: "Wow, the partner is ready to tolerate sex with me, how great!"

With coupons for sexual practices, it can be even worse. Because they can be presented for execution at any time. And this is not washing floors or something else routine, which is quite easy to do without desire.

Gift sex can disappoint

Sex can be unsuccessful: in the process, the leg cramped, the noise from behind the wall spoiled the mood, the partner did not have an erection - anything happens. Usually this is an excuse to shrug and move on. But when intimacy is perceived as a gift, great expectations are placed on it. There must be an extravaganza! If she is not there for some reason, then one or both partners may get upset, which will spoil the holiday. So it's better to choose a more stable present.

And that is why, also as a gift, you should not fulfill someone else's sexual fantasy and put experiments on yourself. We have already written how to bring new practices to bed. This is a gradual matter, negotiations are important, participants should be ready to stop everything at any moment.

And they should also understand that someone might not like the result. Because everything looks great in porn and in my head. And friends can talk about some techniques with delight. But people are different. In fact, even a light spanking to the receiving partner can be unpleasant. In an ideal world, lovers will stop at this and engage in habitual sex. And in the real world, most likely, both will be suppressed. If we are talking about something more complicated like threesome , the consequences can be jealousy, trust problems and even separation. New practices require a serious attitude, so it's not worth succumbing to the charm of the holiday here.

This reinforces stereotypes

In a patriarchal world, sex is one of the few resources concentrated in the hands of a woman. And this does not mean at all that she can do it for pleasure and with great desire. Who is squandering such value? She is encouraged, her absence is punished. From which it follows that sex can be bought, earned, earned. And the partner in exchange for this "gives" or not.

Both sexes suffer from this state of affairs. A woman is denied the right to have sex when and how much she wants. On the one hand, it is assumed that she cannot be sexually active just like that — obviously she is waiting for something for this. On the other hand, she is condemned because she reduces the "price" of the resource if she leads a diverse sex life. This approach also basically deprives a woman of the right to want or not to want a relationship with someone: men begin to think that it's only about the price.

Those who believe that sex with any woman can be achieved are also trapped in delusions. Although if men accepted that this particular lady didn't want them just like that, and not because they didn't try hard enough, it would be easier to accept rejection. And go in search of someone with whom you can embark on a delightful bed adventure by mutual consent.

So it's better not to feed stereotypes and not to give sex, but just to do it. And the ideas of great gifts can be found in the materials of the Life Hacker.

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