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About Everything Wiki » Relationships » What to do if you fell in love with a friend of a former partner

What to do if you fell in love with a friend of a former partner

10 Jun 2023, 12:01, parser
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Imagine that among the eight billion inhabitants of the planet, you have finally found the one or the very one. A person to whom you have become really attached or even fallen head over heels in love with. There's only one catch. This person is your ex's friend or your ex's girlfriend. And what to do in such a situation?

On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with having a love relationship with friends of former partners. An emotionally mature person won't throw a tantrum because you're dating someone he's friends with just because you've dated him before. On the other hand, a lot depends on the relationship between friends, and on your relationship with a new partner. Here's how to figure it out.

Find answers to important questions

To understand whether it is worth developing a relationship with a friend of an ex or a girlfriend of an ex, you need to honestly answer yourself a variety of questions:

  • About friendship. How close friendship connects your former partner with the new one? What will be the reaction if you start dating his friend or her girlfriend? Did you ask how he or she would react to this? Does it matter to you that he or she might be upset by it? Does your ex-partner still have feelings for you? If so, do you care?
  • About their needs. Why do you want to start a relationship with an ex-boyfriend's friend or an ex-girlfriend's girlfriend? What is your motivation? What do you like about this person? What do you expect from a new relationship?
  • About the needs of the former partner. What thoughts and feelings does he or she have about your intention to date his or her friend? If the situation upsets him or her, then why? What exactly is the problem? It is important to understand here that you no longer owe anything to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and you do not need to make decisions based on his or her interests. The person with whom you broke up will have to decide on their own whether to continue communicating with a friend or girlfriend or not. But this is their relationship, not yours.
  • About the needs of a new partner. How important is friendship for him or her? What will his or her actions be if your ex partner says he doesn't want you to date? Do you agree with this approach? Are you both ready to deal with the consequences that your relationship may lead to?

And finally, the main question is whether it is worth talking about everything to the former partner? It's best to be honest about what's going on, even if it's going to be the most awkward conversation of your life. You can do this before or after you start dating. But remember that you are not talking about this because you need permission, but because you respect your past love relationships and the friendship of your former and current partners.

Set boundaries

Obviously, in such a situation, everyone's relationship with everyone becomes confusing and complicated. Therefore, from the very beginning it is necessary to mark the boundaries. For example, to agree with a new partner that you will not discuss your previous relationship or even see your former partner. It is important that these arrangements suit everyone. If you feel that you are being pressured or forced into something, this is a bad sign.

Do what you think is right

Most likely, your mutual friends will be divided into two camps: those who will understand you, and those who will condemn you. Nevertheless, if you really love a person and see a joint future with him, and he reciprocates you, the past should not stop you.

You both have to decide whether you are ready to face censure and misunderstanding from others and work on the relationship. If both you and your new partner want to be together, you have every chance to go through this ordeal. Over time, everything will calm down. So do not give up happiness because of public opinion.

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12 Jun 2023, 12:00    0    0
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