Let's be honest. We often can't stand our partner's ex-lovers, even if we've never met them in person. Ex—boyfriends and girlfriends can be the sweetest and kindest people in the world - it doesn't matter. We don't like them for nothing, and not because facts or intuition tell us that we can expect a trick from them. And although we take this hatred for granted, it turns out that there are reasons for it.
When you have no obvious reasons to hate your partner's exes, but you do it anyway, it can happen for three main reasons.
If you lack confidence, it may seem as if all the exes are perfect. Kind, smart, attractive, in a word — perfect. Therefore, you not only start constantly comparing yourself with them, but also consider them a threat to your relationship and wonder why your partner chose you and whether he loves you at all.
Trying to demonstrate your superiority over the "ideal" exes, you can do something that is unusual for you. And as a result, you hate them even more, because it is because of them that you have a need to constantly prove your coolness. In fact, a "third extra" appears in the relationship, which can not be thrown out of my head in any way.
If you do not perceive the current relationship as reliable and safe, then you begin to be jealous of your partner, stop trusting him and transfer your feelings to his exes. Instead of looking at the situation dispassionately, analyzing what exactly is the trigger for jealousy, and talking to your partner, you blame other people for all the problems. And that's why you hate them even more.
One of the main responsibilities in a relationship is to throw a kind of "bridge" between your former and current partner. To do this, it is important to talk as honestly and openly as possible about past relationships. The less we know about a person, the more we think and force, drawing his image in our imagination. And the version that we come up with ourselves or that our partner comes up with for us may well deserve hatred.
To sort out your thoughts and emotions and understand how well your ideas about your ex-partner are justified, ask yourself a few questions:
Talk to your loved one about your emotions and what causes them. If he adds fuel to the fire himself, constantly comparing you with exes or remembering past relationships, set boundaries. Relying, for example, on such statements:
If the problem is your lack of self—confidence or a sense of competition, remember that criticizing another person and trying to "rise up" at his expense is an unhealthy defensive reaction. It is better to focus on your inner world, deal with your own self-esteem and self-esteem. You can even turn to a psychologist to find a balance and feel safe in a relationship.
Hating your partner's exes for no reason is unproductive and harmful. And not only for your relationship, but also for your mental health. You can not judge strangers solely because of the status of "exes" or unflattering words of a partner in their address. Hatred never leads to anything good, especially if it is based on self-doubt, rivalry or jealousy. And this destructive feeling is definitely not worth spending your energy on.
