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About Everything Wiki » Motivation » What to do if you consider yourself unworthy of the best

What to do if you consider yourself unworthy of the best

08 Jun 2023, 12:01, parser
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Ekaterina Sigitova
Psychologist and author of the free online course "Happiness to be yourself" by Alpina Publisher.

What is the problem

In the modern world success is practically a cult, and it concerns almost all spheres of life. You need to be conventionally beautiful, and rich, and with a good job, and with a mountain of letters.

It seems that such people surround us everywhere: here are beautiful photos from social networks, here are articles from fashion publications, and here is the Forbes rating "30 to 30".

It is very difficult to avoid comparisons, and anxiety gradually penetrates into the head. We begin to doubt ourselves: we have so many shortcomings and so few achievements! Especially compared to successful and rich beauties and beauties.

The more we think about it, the more often we evaluate our life through the prism of someone else's success. It's like changing the lenses in glasses. It becomes unimportant that a Hollywood actor has achieved an ideal press with the help of expensive trainers and, possibly, drugs — only the press itself is interested. And if we don't have the same cubes, what are we good at?

When we become convinced of our own shortcomings (which in fact are not), we are disappointed.

We may even get the idea that we don't deserve happiness — this talented and simply gorgeous Monica Bellucci has the right to count on love and attention, but not ordinary mortals. And then the thought "I am not worthy" finally gets stuck in our head.

We refuse to accept our imperfections and decide that we don't deserve anything until we have become the best of all. We begin to believe that we need to work hard on ourselves in order to someday, maybe, get closer to the ideal. And only then will you be able to count on love and understanding.

If you do not accept yourself, but only constantly evaluate and criticize, this will lead to anxiety, anger and eventually to burnout, that is, prolonged emotional exhaustion. At first, the feeling of guilt will regularly go off scale and drive forward for an unattainable ideal, and then the treadmill of self-improvement will stop, because human forces are not infinite. After a forced pause, shame comes — and the circle repeats, and the nerves are loosened.

What to do

To break out of a closed cycle, it is worth fighting not with an external cause — the success of others, which seems very desirable, but with an internal one. With a nasty critic who sits deep inside us and whispers harmful thoughts.

Every morning he compares our achievements and the successes of Donald Trump, the son of a millionaire. At lunch, the critic shares stories about the deepest love of some two stars. A bedtime story — analysis of edited photos of top models on Instagram.

You can't beat this critic by playing his game.

Most of us were not born into a family of millionaires, and we do not have time or assistants to retouch pictures every day. So it's better not to fight in a fruitless battle for success, but go into a counterattack. Defeat criticism, show that it's time to abandon double standards: you deserve exactly the same things as Monica Bellucci.

To do this, proceed as follows:

  1. Write down what you can't do, but others can. What qualities you are not able to accept in yourself, but perfectly allow others. Try to make a detailed list. For example, it may be a shame that you didn't graduate from university — but did Bill Gates become a loser when he dropped out of Harvard?
  2. Think about each recorded double standard. Answer the questions: why is this so? Why is it possible for others, but not for you? Where did such conviction come from? Why on earth Steve Jobs is considered great if he was once kicked out of his own company? (The last question is optional.)
  3. Rewrite each double standard so that it becomes either general (I can't — no one can, I can — everyone can), or the reverse of what it was (I can — others can't). For example, a single standard: "No one can refuse others a request — neither me nor anyone else." Another, more specific one: "If top models can have plastic surgery and then be considered the most beautiful in the world, then I should not demand angelic beauty from myself until at least several operations are performed."
  4. Analyze your feelings. If you feel that the critic is shutting up at least for a while, continue the offensive. Smash the double standards one by one.
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