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Oh, those voices in our head! The ones who constantly say "Who do you think you are?", "How can you be so stupid!" or "You definitely won't succeed." They make us feel like we're not good enough. And we are slowly but surely losing confidence in ourselves, in our knowledge and abilities. Does that sound familiar?
Each of us periodically doubts himself. And it's not our fault — it could be B. Markway. 5 reasons people have low self‑confidence / Psychology Today is associated with a genetic predisposition, personal circumstances or media messages. When confidence suddenly leaves you next time, try these three tactics.
Understanding why you stop believing in yourself is the first step to breaking out of the endless circle of self—flagellation. Analyze your thoughts, actions and relationships with others, as well as the situations in which all this manifests itself. This way you will not only find the source of the problem, but also become more confident in the process.
Here are a few questions that will help to understand the reasons for doubts:
The answers to these questions will allow you to understand what factors are causing your self‑esteem to fluctuate, and to free yourself from their influence.
To do this, you need to conduct an internal "inventory". Take a piece of paper and write down the events of your past. Start at any age, focus on certain years or segments of 5, 10 years — no matter how you break your life into stages. The main thing is to be as honest with yourself as possible.
Usually we focus more on the negative aspects: psychological traumas, unpleasant experiences and failures. When doing this exercise, try to pay attention to something else — write down something from the past that influenced the present.
For example, remember when you learned to ride a bike or got a license and started driving a car. When we first fell in love and kissed. When we first flew by plane. When you were given your first salary. Remember the things you thought you'd never be able to do, but you did.
You may have noticed how our opinion of our own abilities increases when we reflect on what we have already done. Especially if it seemed unreal to us before. Of course, there were mistakes and failures on our way. But we were still able to move from the starting point and continue to move forward.
"Inventory" of one's own life helps to take a clear look at the past years and normalize self-esteem. You will see how the most unexpected moments lead to serious and important events that cannot be predicted.
Try to reach a new level and connect your friends to the "inventory". Ask your loved ones what two or three qualities come to mind when they think about you. Do not hesitate and do not be afraid — the answers are likely to please you.
When you begin to doubt yourself, it means that you are giving your power to someone or something. The most obvious way to get her back is to start saying one simple word: "no."
It will take a lot of time to form this skill. But you know what? It took the same amount to lose confidence. Therefore, it is not worth spending even more. Figure out what is spoiling your relationship with yourself, and start rebuilding your self-esteem.
Start small. Is your self-confidence badly affected by social networks? Tell them no. It's up to you to decide what to let into your life. Choose yourself and say "no" to everything that does not bring you happiness.
Say no to the habit of focusing on things you don't think you can do. Give your strength to what you know, your experience, your wisdom and skills.
Every time the inner voice inspires you with something unpleasant again, answer: "No. Thanks, but no. You're wrong, and that's why..." Try to say no at least once a day. Not only criticism that sits in your head, but also external circumstances that take away your self-confidence.
Only you choose who and what influences you. The main power is always in your hands. If you ask your most confident friends how they do it, they will probably answer that they sometimes have problems with self-esteem. It's part of life. At such moments, remember the quote of the former First Lady of the United States Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can cause you to feel your own inferiority without your consent."
